This Candidate Will Handle Hurricane Relief Better

Guest Feature with Carlos Greaves of The Takedown

The Humor Stack hosts the Substack Directory of Humor. This week, our guest is the incisive and insightful Carlos Greaves of The Takedown.

This Presidential Candidate Will Handle Hurricane Relief Better: It’s a clear choice

by

Carlos Greaves

of

The Takedown

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“Former President Donald Trump criticized the Biden administration’s response to the widespread devastation caused by Hurricane Helene, even as his supporters call for cuts to federal agencies that warn of weather disasters and deliver relief to hard-hit communities.” — Associated Press, 9/30/24

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After the devastating impact of Hurricane Helene across the southeast, and with the presidential election just days away, it’s worth thinking about which candidate will respond more effectively to future disasters. Given his track record, Donald Trump is the clear choice.

The most important thing a president can do in the wake of a natural disaster is speculate about whether the people impacted deserve relief or not. Only Donald Trump has proven his ability to do just that. After Hurricane Maria devastated Puerto Rico, Donald Trump deliberately withheld aid because he thought the Puerto Rican government would use that money to pay off the island’s debts. 

Although that turned out not to be the case, and although his decision partly contributed to the nearly 3,000 deaths from the storm, Trump deserves praise for putting fiscal responsibility above human life. The deaths of 3,000 Americans is a small price to pay for saving the federal government millions of dollars that, in hindsight, were not in any danger of being misused.  

We also cannot forget the things President Trump did do for the people of Puerto Rico in the aftermath of the hurricane, which was one of the many unsung successes of his presidency. Who could forget the iconic moment where he bravely traveled to Puerto Rico to chuck several rolls of paper towels at disaster victims? 

Vice President Kamala Harris has yet to hurl a single paper product towards any Floridians, Georgians, or North Carolinians. The total lack of paper towel tossing, quite frankly, speaks volumes.     

Just look at who is on the ground in Georgia as we speak. Trump is in Valdosta, not as a presidential candidate, but as a concerned citizen who also happens to be visiting a crucial swing state while running for president. A good leader doesn’t care whether his presence might impede the efforts of local relief crews. Or question whether his visit would be a value-add. A good leader goes to the center of the action to give speeches, pose for photos, and attack his opponents.

Meanwhile, where is Vice President Kamala Harris? In Washington D.C. meeting with leaders to “coordinate relief efforts.” Even worse, she’s postponing her visits to the impacted areas until she can be sure she won’t get in the way of first responders. We need a leader who acts before they think, not the other way around.

Most importantly, Trump has a plan that will gut FEMA. He has already diverted emergency response money in the past, and his new plan will ensure that FEMA has less funding and fewer resources to deal with future disasters. This may seem like the exact opposite of how to beef up federal disaster response. 

But, as usual, Donald Trump is playing 4D chess. By gutting FEMA, he will force the agency to think creatively about how to respond to the next hurricane. Picture FEMA agents Macgyvering rescue rafts out of old tires and wooden pallets. Or fashioning makeshift water filtration systems out of old socks and coffee filters. Only Trump understands that when it comes to relief aid, less money is actually more money.

Climate change may not be real, but natural disasters will always be a reality we’ll have to contend with. Only Trump has the past experience and future vision to help Americans through the next disaster. So don’t bother stocking up on paper towels or bottled water for the next disaster. Trump will be there to chuck that stuff straight at your head. That’s a promise.

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And now for the Q & A portion of the event…

Kate: Carlos, I recently read your New Yorker piece about scenes set in NY written by someone who doesn’t live in NY. It was spot on. It makes me want to write one about Philly in which we all run up the Art Museum steps each morning and then eat a cheesesteak while wearing our Eagles hats and cursing lovingly at passersby.

You teach for Second City, have written for the best humor publications, and now you’ve started your own. Tell us a little about The Takedown and why you launched it. 

Carlos: Thanks, Kate! I'm all for a Philly version of that piece. Your description is exactly how I imagine every Philadelphian spends their day.

I started The Takedown because I love writing topical satire about pop culture and politics. And while there's a lot of great humor on Substack, there aren't many publications specifically focused on funny reactions to the news of the day. So, I wanted to have a place for my satirical takes that was separate from my other newsletter, Shades of Greaves, which is also humorous but more focused on personal reflection and writing life.

K: The Takedown has plenty of fodder! I find satire is such a valuable channel for our political angst. Do you find you are able to write truths through satire you wouldn’t otherwise be able to communicate?

C: I do! Writing satire is so cathartic for me because it gives me an opportunity to put my feelings into words in a way that cuts deeper than if I were to just state my feelings outright. And I love that it's a way to connect with an audience over an infuriating news story and basically say, "We all see that this is total bullshit, right?" 

K: I absolutely agree. There is so much freedom within the form. Outside of politics and pop culture, where do you find your inspiration? 

C: Most of my satire writing is infused with humor about day-to-day lived experiences. I'll often get ideas for satire pieces while I'm doing something mindless like washing the dishes or going for a walk, so inevitably some observational comedy gets baked in with the satire.

K: So, essentially, we all need to clean more and trust that the ideas will come rather than let the dishes pile up and stare at our computers hoping for inspiration. Tell us, what’s the funniest thing you’ve read lately?

C: One piece I really enjoyed recently is Why coffee is nuts by

Harrison Moore

from

The New Workday

. The piece very relatably points out how absurdly complicated something simple like ordering a cup of coffee has become now that there's a million options, apps, loyalty programs, and so on at every coffee shop (and seemingly every retail location).

K: A perfect representation of glimpses of humor in the every day. 

Thank you, Carlos, for joining us. Here’s hoping all of our satire prompts readers to laugh…and to vote.

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Carlos Greaves is an Afro-Latino electrical engineer turned comedy writer. He is a contributor to The Onion, The New Yorker, and McSweeney's, and wrote for Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson's TV special, Back That Year Up, in 2023. His debut book, Spoilers: Essays That Might Ruin Your Favorite Hollywood Movies, was highlighted in Vulture's "Best Comedy Books of 2023.